I believe the proper term for what I am trying here is “reinvention.” The thing about reinvention that I am learning is that it is never a wholesale change but rather a tweaking if you will. I’m learning it has to be incremental because what you’re really trying to do is change the way you think and that, as this whole nation is probably realizing now, is a very difficult thing to do. Change is scary, yes we all know (hopefully) that by now but change also reveals our stubbornness. Why do I have to change? Things are working fine the way they are! It’s what’s comfortable for me! I think it’s fair to say that we all feel like that. We’re creatures of habit, and learning new habits sounds like a lot of work.

In late 2019, I learned of the inaugural Killer Shorts Screenplay Competition. The moment I read Alison Parker’s (@thealisonparker) tweet announcing it, I immediately knew I wanted to submit to this competition. My favorite genre in a format I do regularly for practice? Yes, please! I only had a little over a month to submit before the early-bird deadline (i.e. lowest submission fee offered. Hey, I’m broke) so naturally I panicked. Funny thing happened as I was hyperventilating though. In deciding what story to write, I turned to an old “friend.” My Bluecat quarterfinalist script THAT NIGHT AT THE BAR. That script had become my forever work-in-progress. It has haunted me for over ten years, never feeling like I nailed the story that I wanted to tell no matter how much I rewrote it (and to be honest that title now sounds like a comedy than a horror story). So I asked the question, could this story work as a short? A month later I submitted MICHELLE’S GRIFFIN to Killer Shorts. A short that placed in the quarterfinals. Placing in that competition changed something in me.

After that accomplishment, I wanted to seize the momentum by diving back into my feature screenwriting. I created a schedule for myself to submit to noted screenplay competitions that I have longed admired and wish to do well in. I broke it down so that I have time between submissions to work on a new feature. 2020 was going to be my next stepping stone in realizing my dream career. But then 2020 happened. Pushing through my feature WIPs became strenuous amidst one apocalypse after another. People were getting sick. People were losing their jobs, People were being brutalized and all of these terrible things were being used as political footballs to move agendas. As a husband and a father, my job is to worry about the dangers that may affect my family. And the dangers were everywhere.

So I missed my first deadline in June. I know that sounds trivial but for me that hurt. Doubt and anxiety sets in as many of us creatives know occurs when things like this happen. Then I saw a new Alison Parker’s tweet announcing the second annual Killer Shorts Competition. I felt another panic attack coming on. Of course I wanted to submit to them again but I didn’t have anything prepared yet. Or did I? I had a horror story I’ve been trying to tell for two years now. It was the script I was planning to submit to the June feature competition I missed. Could this story be told as a short? I dove into the story to find out and the answer I came away with was…. sort of?

I think what is happening now in this country falls under reinvention. Storms like this happen because of an accumulation of routines and methods that simply do not work anymore and they have finally broken down. Between the horribleness that is reported, you find small changes, some seemingly negligible, that will lead to a new way of doing things. Symbols of the old broken ways are coming down. People, now understanding the hurt that has been inflicted on others for years, are fighting to end that pain. We are turning to new leaders to help us through a pandemic. All incremental steps towards a change we need but have not realized yet because we insist on being stubborn to said change. I have been stubborn. I’m realizing now that the change I want to see won’t come by the old paths of broken methods. I truly believe we all are realizing this truth. This won’t be easy, this anxiety-inducing environment promises as much. But if I can still create, even if it’s at a short clip at a time, I will be that much closer to where I want to be.

Okay 2020, you are one scary son of a gun but know this! The world is changing for the better. I pledge to help make it so. For my family. One way to do that is by creating and sharing with the world. It does sound like a lot of work and it’ll be uncomfortable but in the end, it will all have been worth it. So now if you would excuse me, I have a killer short to submit.

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I truly did not appreciate the profound concepts offered in the classic tale The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson until fairly recently and for that, I have put myself behind the proverbial eight-ball.  While completing my Master’s degree online program, I had the pleasure to finally read this story.  Shocked that I haven’t read it to this point in my life?  That makes two of us.  It is especially surprising for a writer that wants to write memorable horror stories but it is what it is.  As I was reading the last few passages of the strange tale, I was amazed by how much of what I knew of the story was tainted by pop culture’s interpretation.    Hyde was never some savage that went on some mindless rampage.  Jekyll was never some Bruce Banner type that fell victim to his own alchemy.   It turns out that Hyde was who Jekyll really was inside.  A wild passionate mongrel that wanted to live on the edge without the restraints of society’s law and order.  Hyde is the persona he hid from everyone in order to live how he really wanted. Without the whole murder aspect, this newfound understanding has made me appreciate the persona I have chosen to finally reveal to everyone. 

1995. AOL.com. Dial-up modems.  Chat rooms. The Internet belonged to America Online. I was 18 years old and like many pop culture trends, I was late to the party.  My mother had an AOL account before I did.  I had no clue what to do once I actually did get online.  And since I lacked the creativity to make my own AOL username, I used my mom’s account name (she had one email she asked me to check every week for but other than that she hardly used the account). Thank God for research reports from school,otherwise, I would not have had any purpose to surf the World Wide Web. Seriously, I had no idea what to use the Internet for… that was until I discovered those infamous chat rooms.  It was in those seedy virtual gatherings where I discovered a part of me that I had not realized I had inside all along and how much I needed it.

The AOL chat rooms were notoriously known to be the virtual equivalent of dive bars where single people and not-so-single people converged to mingle and hopefully do more than that offline.  I was no different.  I typed anything I could to get attention: raunchy comments, aggressive pick-up lines, or quoted movie lines any chance I could (that era’s version of memes).  I depicted myself as anything but how I really was, which was shy, insecure, quiet, and lonely.  This anonymous persona I created was fun and fearless; attributes I wished I exhibited more in real life.  I was Jekyll and I had found my way to become Hyde.    By the way, my mom’s username that I commandeered? Hyde114.  Yeah, this was fate as far as I am concerned.

Of course, I wasn’t the first person to use the Internet as a way to become someone else.  Yet, as I have grown older, the charm and excitement of this premise have faded.  It has become a trope that has been recycled and played to stereotype levels, but I did notice I took away a very useful trait from the hormone raging, sex-driven creep that was Hyde114:  Iwas able to express myself far better on paper than in person.  You see,I mumble as well as rant; a combination that does no one, especially me, any favors.  But as Hyde114, I was as cool as the other side of the pillow. Being late to the party does not mean you don’t partake at all.  As a matter of fact, the strongest area of participation in pop culture for me is movies.  I grew up on some of the most classic films ever made, and yes, those films were made in the ’80s.  Oh, how I was fascinated with them!  How did they make them?  How did they come up with those stories?  What if I had the chance, could I come up with such stories?  If only I could…

If there was something you wanted to do for the rest of your life what would that be?  That was an actual question asked of me in high school by a mentor.  When I told him I wanted to write for film, he told me that that he didn’t think my parents paid all this money to come to this prestigious boarding school for me to be a screenwriter. I was 14 years old.    He was the adult.  What did I know? I moved on from that dream, but Hyde114 helped bring back that dream to me. Roberto Alvarenga wasn’t aggressive enough to be what he wanted to be.  Hyde114 was plenty aggressive. 

Like all popular trends, they run their course.  Chat rooms evolved into DMs.  AOL usernames became Facebook profiles that may or may not result in being catfished. AOL emails became very unsecure and Hyde114 ran his course, too.  While Hyde114 didn’t last too long once the new millennium began, his parting gift was sending me on a journey to become a writer. This parting gift, however, comes with a rub.  You see, I come from a household where two amazing, hard-working parents instilled in me that my lot in life is to find a good job, put in your time, earn a pension, retire- and along the way try and have a family.  Good goals and achievable with a focused work ethic.  Problem with that mandate is that writing is not a job that fits into that model.  No, I went and chose probably one of the most difficult professions to make a living. So, what does that mean?  It means that this journey has included times where I have been discouraged and ridiculed for what I want to be by some of the people that I love more than anything in this world.  

The writer in me has been hidden from almost everyone.  The few that have known this side of me know only what I want them to know.  There have been times where I have hidden the writer from myself to do what society needs me to do to make a living.  I hid the writer until a time I thought I would be ready to unleash him, but what I have found is that I have held him back.  The writer is who I really am.  The writer is my Hyde.  I have realized I don’t need a potion to transform into him in order to release him in the world.  I just have to write and find a way to keep writing- no matter what and no matter who- I need to hide this from because the time to unleash Hyde the Writer is now.

So what comes next? The short answer is I keep writing. I want to use this platform to for you, the reader, to get to know me through the stories in my life and the stories I will write.  I will share and talk about my journey into screenwriting and all the amazing experiences along the way.  Horror will also be a major topic for that is my favorite genre to write but it won’t be the only genre I delve into.   Finally, I want to use this platform to find my voice in writing. I’m looking to connect with you. So leave comments, critique me, challenge me because the reader determines a good writer.  I know who I am now.  Now you will know too.

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