I truly did not appreciate the profound concepts offered in the classic tale The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson until fairly recently and for that, I have put myself behind the proverbial eight-ball. While completing my Master’s degree online program, I had the pleasure to finally read this story. Shocked that I haven’t read it to this point in my life? That makes two of us. It is especially surprising for a writer that wants to write memorable horror stories but it is what it is. As I was reading the last few passages of the strange tale, I was amazed by how much of what I knew of the story was tainted by pop culture’s interpretation. Hyde was never some savage that went on some mindless rampage. Jekyll was never some Bruce Banner type that fell victim to his own alchemy. It turns out that Hyde was who Jekyll really was inside. A wild passionate mongrel that wanted to live on the edge without the restraints of society’s law and order. Hyde is the persona he hid from everyone in order to live how he really wanted. Without the whole murder aspect, this newfound understanding has made me appreciate the persona I have chosen to finally reveal to everyone.
1995. AOL.com. Dial-up modems. Chat rooms. The Internet belonged to America Online. I was 18 years old and like many pop culture trends, I was late to the party. My mother had an AOL account before I did. I had no clue what to do once I actually did get online. And since I lacked the creativity to make my own AOL username, I used my mom’s account name (she had one email she asked me to check every week for but other than that she hardly used the account). Thank God for research reports from school,otherwise, I would not have had any purpose to surf the World Wide Web. Seriously, I had no idea what to use the Internet for… that was until I discovered those infamous chat rooms. It was in those seedy virtual gatherings where I discovered a part of me that I had not realized I had inside all along and how much I needed it.
The AOL chat rooms were notoriously known to be the virtual equivalent of dive bars where single people and not-so-single people converged to mingle and hopefully do more than that offline. I was no different. I typed anything I could to get attention: raunchy comments, aggressive pick-up lines, or quoted movie lines any chance I could (that era’s version of memes). I depicted myself as anything but how I really was, which was shy, insecure, quiet, and lonely. This anonymous persona I created was fun and fearless; attributes I wished I exhibited more in real life. I was Jekyll and I had found my way to become Hyde. By the way, my mom’s username that I commandeered? Hyde114. Yeah, this was fate as far as I am concerned.
Insert chills here.
Of course, I wasn’t the first person to use the Internet as a way to become someone else. Yet, as I have grown older, the charm and excitement of this premise have faded. It has become a trope that has been recycled and played to stereotype levels, but I did notice I took away a very useful trait from the hormone raging, sex-driven creep that was Hyde114: Iwas able to express myself far better on paper than in person. You see,I mumble as well as rant; a combination that does no one, especially me, any favors. But as Hyde114, I was as cool as the other side of the pillow. Being late to the party does not mean you don’t partake at all. As a matter of fact, the strongest area of participation in pop culture for me is movies. I grew up on some of the most classic films ever made, and yes, those films were made in the ’80s. Oh, how I was fascinated with them! How did they make them? How did they come up with those stories? What if I had the chance, could I come up with such stories? If only I could…
If there was something you wanted to do for the rest of your life what would that be? That was an actual question asked of me in high school by a mentor. When I told him I wanted to write for film, he told me that that he didn’t think my parents paid all this money to come to this prestigious boarding school for me to be a screenwriter. I was 14 years old. He was the adult. What did I know? I moved on from that dream, but Hyde114 helped bring back that dream to me. Roberto Alvarenga wasn’t aggressive enough to be what he wanted to be. Hyde114 was plenty aggressive.
Like all popular trends, they run their course. Chat rooms evolved into DMs. AOL usernames became Facebook profiles that may or may not result in being catfished. AOL emails became very unsecure and Hyde114 ran his course, too. While Hyde114 didn’t last too long once the new millennium began, his parting gift was sending me on a journey to become a writer. This parting gift, however, comes with a rub. You see, I come from a household where two amazing, hard-working parents instilled in me that my lot in life is to find a good job, put in your time, earn a pension, retire- and along the way try and have a family. Good goals and achievable with a focused work ethic. Problem with that mandate is that writing is not a job that fits into that model. No, I went and chose probably one of the most difficult professions to make a living. So, what does that mean? It means that this journey has included times where I have been discouraged and ridiculed for what I want to be by some of the people that I love more than anything in this world.
The writer in me has been hidden from almost everyone. The few that have known this side of me know only what I want them to know. There have been times where I have hidden the writer from myself to do what society needs me to do to make a living. I hid the writer until a time I thought I would be ready to unleash him, but what I have found is that I have held him back. The writer is who I really am. The writer is my Hyde. I have realized I don’t need a potion to transform into him in order to release him in the world. I just have to write and find a way to keep writing- no matter what and no matter who- I need to hide this from because the time to unleash Hyde the Writer is now.
So what comes next? The short answer is I keep writing. I want to use this platform to for you, the reader, to get to know me through the stories in my life and the stories I will write. I will share and talk about my journey into screenwriting and all the amazing experiences along the way. Horror will also be a major topic for that is my favorite genre to write but it won’t be the only genre I delve into. Finally, I want to use this platform to find my voice in writing. I’m looking to connect with you. So leave comments, critique me, challenge me because the reader determines a good writer. I know who I am now. Now you will know too.